Holding expectations over your spouse will always leave you feeling dissatisfied which can be felt by them. Then they begin feeling insecure because they know they don’t satisfy you. Have you ever been insecure? When you are insecure it’s almost as if you can’t thrive in being who you are.
Things you’re normally good at, you end up messing up. Your gifts and talents can’t flow. So, when the enemy is using you to constantly give your spouse the impression that they do not satisfy you, all because of these expectations and standards you are holding over them, they will constantly flow out of insecurity, actually being more effective at messing up. Because they are flowing from insecurity rather than feeling good about themselves. Even if you aren’t saying it out loud that they don’t satisfy you, they can still hear it. Because your actions speak louder than you think. And out of our heart flows the issues of life. So if this is in your heart, it will be visible no matter whether you try and hide it or not.
So, in essence you end up creating the very dynamic you were being used by the enemy to accuse them of. Yes, you could be causing them to mess up as you view them from this tainted lens.
Your antidote to this may be in learning to be content in any and every situation as Paul describes.
See, when you are flowing by the Spirit like Paul did, instead of complaining about the situation you are in, rather you will have a heart of worship in the middle of the situation you are in.
In Paul’s case, this was the source of the prison walls being flung open over his life. Acts 16:25-27
In the same way, it’s an entirely different dynamic when you manifest the Holy Spirit to someone who’s struggling. It’s like grabbing the weak and feeble person at the end of the finish line and picking them up, saying “you got this, you can do it, come on, we’ll do it together”. But when you react from the flesh, you are simply kicking them when they are down and they will never finish with that spirit ministering to them.
Get free of the bitterness, unforgiveness, and holding standards over your spouse. Because they are not your workmanship. They are God’s. Let Him work on them. You work on you so that you can embrace the spouse that God has given to you and learn to appreciate the good qualities. If you’re not aware of these qualities they carry, find them! Any treasure is worth searching for. If you still think there are none, it’s like cursing God because God doesn’t make junk. If it seems impossible or insurmountable, this simply reveals how much the enemy has a hold of your heart and how much you just may need to be purposeful in breaking through. But you can do it! And God will help.
It comes by first acknowledging the error of your ways and being proactive to handle it accordingly. You know who to go to, you know who to turn to. Jesus. He will help you. He will guide you.
You may find that you will have to come back to this place lowering the weapons in your heart towards your spouse and finding that place of surrendering your fight against them. They are not your enemy. They are your beloved. If that feel’s gross applying that word to them, it reveals the issue isn’t in them. It is in you.
They may have issues, but if the above-mentioned things are your reality, then you can’t be so focused on them that you deny your own.
By the way, the above mentioned content can work in any relationship. Your relationships with church, family, friends, etc.
Watch this video testimony of a real life scenario that helped me learn about this demonic function in the hearts of couples.